Wednesday, November 30, 2016


Great. More Jedis...

Okay, so here's the deal, I've been watching a bunch of Fan Films lately, because sometimes I make bad decisions, and man, let me tell you, this particular decision has turned out to be a rough one. Y'see, after years of working at several different movie theatres, and a couple of video stores, there's one simple truth I learned a long time ago: Most movies are terrible. There's a lot of good ones too, of course, but the overwhelming majority...? Terrible. And after watching several of these fan films for the last few weeks, I have discovered that they aren't all different of a situation, except for the part about there being lots of good ones...

Don't believe me, take a look here.

Today's short film is called STAR WARS: FALL OF THE JEDI zzzzzzzzzzsnort! Huh, what? Sorry, I fell asleep there for a moment... Anyway, today's fan film has... hmmmm... let's just say, there's a few of the traditional Red Flags, but you know what? Fuck it. Forget it.

Let's just get into it.

Here's the synopsis: Years after the Galactic Civil War, Kylo Ren has killed the new generation of Jedi that his mentor and uncle Luke Skywalker was training. Padawan siblings Carena and Donta managed to escape the massacre, but are soon forced to once again fight against the ever growing temptation of the dark side.

Great... a sidequel...

Holy shit. Those were some uber nerds.

Okay, so here's the thing... this fan film was terrible. Embarrassingly terrible. I mean, the line delivery? The fight choreography? The girl in the evil corset? The way the heroes apparently decide to go for a angst-fueled run immediately after landing? And how they then just kind of run into a pair of bad guys randomly choking some dude to death in a field? I mean, yeah, that was total shit.


This particular train wreck was apparently made by a bunch of 1st Year "Screenology" students, which I guess is a film school in England, so I feel kind of bad ripping on it too much. Also, it answers my question as to whether or not those accents were fake. I was pretty sure that they were, but they were not, supposedly. So, the point is... wowsers, that was bad, but hey, they tried. I think. Either way, I'm not going to rip it up too much. God bless you, you nerdy little bastards.

But seriously though, you know that kid in the white face paint totally wears a trilby and a long scarf thrown back over his shoulder like, all the time. You know he does.


Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Star Wars: Emergence

As an experiment, I've been watching a bunch of Fan Films lately, and let me tell you, this little experiment is real close to breaking me. Why, you ask?

Well, click here to see how it's been going so far.

Today's fan film is called Star Wars: Emergence, and guess what... it's about god damn Jedi... again. Emergence is Directed by Jacob Watson and Bryson Alley, and Written by Bryson Alley and Chelsea Alley, and this is basically the first time out of the gate for all of them, personal film project-wise. So, let me just say good luck to them right here at the start of things, mostly because I'm assuming that the long hours of devotion, of slaving away at the thankless task of trying to get this film off the ground, has resulted in a love triangle forming between the three of them, despite the fact that two of them are most likely married. It's sad, but unfortunately, logic can't stop the heart when it sees something it wants, even if realizing this desire can only mean tears and broken hearts and shattered bonds that were once so, so strong, truly a tale as old as time. No one wants something like this to happen, of course, but artists--especially young ones--are a passionate people.


But whatever... here's the synopsis: Alenna, a Jedi Padawan, is blinded in an ambush designed to leave her dead. Facing inner demons and dangerous foes, she must rediscover her purpose and identity as a Jedi Knight.

Oh, fantastic... another blind Jedi. I guess we all know what's coming, huh?

Well, lets get to it.

This is a good example of some of fandom's biggest problems.

To begin with, the film is trying way too hard to be considered a serious piece of art, and it just ends up looking silly. It's a short film, people, and yet it seems to completely lack any awareness of the constraints of its budget, length, or capability, so what we end up with is a story with no context, and what little narrative we do know centers on space wizards, so this deep well of emotional weight the film is striving for just ends up seeming shallow and unearned. The film also spends so much time trying to get us to feel the main character's incredible pain and loss and the steely determination with which she overcomes her obstacles, that it forgets (or never realized) that the character is a complete stranger to the audience, someone we just met like, 46 seconds ago. It just doesn't work. And to top it all off, in the end, right as we finally reach the crescendo, right before we get to the actual fun stuff, the big pay-off of all that weeping and melodrama... Roll credits.

What's the point?


Monday, November 28, 2016

Star Wars Revengant

First things first... What the fuck is a Revengant?

So, as some of you no doubt will recall, lately I've been watching a lot of fan films. I honestly don't know why at this point, maybe I feel like I deserve to be punished, maybe I think I need to do atonement for past sins, I don't know. I don't know why I've been subjecting myself to this torture, flagellating myself as I trudge along on this lonely back road of the genre world... but here I am.

Anyway, you can see some of the fan films I've been watching here.

Okay, so, today's fan film is called Star Wars: Revengant... for some reason, and there's a lot of red flags going on here right from the start. First, there's no IMDB page, just a Vimeo page. Second, on the Facebook page, the Writer, Director, and Producer, a man named Marc Ferdinand Korner, lists himself in several different places in the credits, but changes his name around each time... Oh ho! How droll! Thirdly, there's almost no pictures of this film to be found on-line, and of the few that there are, most of them are behind-the-scenes stuff, there's almost none of the actual film. Last, but certainly not least, this film was apparently made in a week's time. Now, this is something I would normally point to as perhaps the biggest red flag of all...

But then I read the synopsis: KYLO REN is on the HUNT for a ancient SITH HOLOCRON that the Resistance gathered on the planet DAHENDOR in the Outer Rim. Will KANE ALTIS be able to rescue himself before the HOLOCRON is found by KYLO REN and his REVENGANT?

Oh great, so  basically this thing is both a fan film AND a Prequel?

At least it isn't totally about Jedi...

This fan film was... It was just a mess. I mean, sure, it was made in a week, but, man... Literally nothing made any sense here, not why any of the characters were where they were, both in relation to each other, or why they were even there in the first place, or why they were even doing what they were doing. The story was practically nonexistent, and most of its telling was left to the crawl. And maybe worst of all, at one point, 90s Hair Guy goes from hiding behind a tree to lose a Drone, to finding his girlfriend being murdered about 10 feet from him, simply by looking to his left. I mean... utilize some space, man. While watching this, I made a joke about the film being confined to someone's mom's backyard, but it might really be the case here.

Also, after reading the synopsis, you'd probably assume the answer to whatever the fuck a Revengant is will be answered in the film. You assumed wrong.

I guess there's really nothing else to say about this film, except to point out that including a third rate Kylo Ren, and that someone involved actually bought Poe's Jacket from somewhere (presumably on-line), somehow made this whole thing even worse,

Woof. This is a low point in my fan film experiment.

I sincerely apologize to anyone I got to watch this,

Friday, November 18, 2016

Call of the Empire

Yep, more Star Wars fan films.

I told you, there's no end to these things. Believe me, I've been watching them lately, there is literally no end, and I will swear under Oath that I am not misusing the word "literally". This shouldn't surprise you, really. After all, this god damn franchise is the backbone of nerdom,

Anyway, today's fan film is called Call of the Empire. It was created and directed by a man named Trevor Kerr, who describes himself as "a 3D Generalist and designer with FX/Environment experience." I don't know if that's a real description or what, but who cares? Either way, that's about it as far as this fan film's net-presence is concerned. There's no easily found website, no IMDB, no facebook link, nothing. Also, the credits on Vimeo do not credit anyone as the writer, which could perhaps be considered a bad sign.

The synopsis goes like this: Call of the Empire is a non-profit short film produced for the sole purpose of personal enjoyment of the cast, crew and all Star Wars fans. Please enjoy this addition to the Star Wars universe.

Okay, so... lots of red flags right at the start, but at two and a half minutes, how bad could it be?

Let's find out...

Ah... I see...

This was more like an Effects Reel, than it was a short film.

There's really not too much to say about this. It looked good, for the most part. The perspective on the dive (up? down?) into the clouds was a bit wonky, but otherwise, sure, it looked good. One problem I had, I'm not sure where this is supposed to take place or when. At first, I thought it was the wreckage of the Imperial presense on Endor, and this was set after the events in Return to the Jedi, but then there's a Death Star hanging in the sky, so what's that mean? I don't know. Also, a quibble... in the beginning, the titles say that there are those who are "forever loyal to Lord Vader" and shouldn't that say The Emporer? 

Whatever. This was quick and painless, more of a blink then a short film.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Jakku: First Wave

I've been watching a lot of Fan Films lately, and I've been sharing them with you all. I figure, why should I carry this burden alone, right? You can find them here.

So, while on this journey, I have discovered that apparently 60% of all fan films are of Star Wars stuff. After that, maybe 45% is Batman (and man, you want to talk about bad? I may not even share any of the Batman fan films... Oofta...). The last 5% of fan films are so god damn random, I would designate that percentage as the place where the truly devoted fans live. I mean, it's easy to be a fan of Star Wars or Batman, and then go out and make a short film, but when you make a Predator short film? That's some real fan devotion right there. Like, who's watching that, besides you and your friends, and me of course... Anyway, the point is, here's yet another Star Wars fan film, but as a nice silver-lining, this is one of the rare few that has nothing to do with the Jedi, the Sith, or the Force, so thankfully, that means it doesn't feature any Community Theatre Second-stringers running around their mom's backyard Force-Parkouring their sweaty asses off.

Thank the Maker for small favors, amirite?

Anyway, as some of you may recall, the Force Awakens came out last year, and people loved the shit out of it, despite the fact it was a terrible movie that coasted on nostalgia, had no story to speak of, made no sense, didn't earn a single big moment, and pretty much wasted some legitimately good new characters. So, one of the film's main problems was that it introduced a buttload of new Star Wars history, but provided almost no context or explanation.

Enter the fan film.,,

Which brings us to taody's offering. It's called Jakku: First Wave.

Y'see, in the Force Awakens, it opens on a planet that looks and acts almost exactly like Tatooine, but it is not Tatooine, despite having almost exactly the same features. No, this planet is called Jakku, and at some point between the end of Return of the Jedi and the beginning of The Force Awakens, there was a battle there. The result of that battle is apparently the only economy on the entire planet.

Because, no context... Like I said.

Anyway, Jakku: First Wave is an attempt to fill in some of that narrative gap, all told from the point of view of a trio of Stormtroopers who are heading into battle. It was written and directed by Benjamin Eck. He has a lot of Crew experience, and some short films under his belt.

Let's see how he does with this one...

I liked that.

It was simple, direct, and it took an interesting angle that you don't see often. I really liked how these guys were presented as just regular citizens with believable motivations for joining the Empire. To the characters, the Empire isn't this obviously evil organization that makes no sense why anyone normal would join up, let alone support. I like how it's presented as a regular facet of their lives. It's just the Government, just a fact of life, and these characters were people have a different point of view on the greater conflict then we normally see. That's good stuff. I like that. Plus, this short film, while obviously not its original intent, actually has a lot to say about our current election.

I like that too.

Y'see, while these characters may have different points of view, and are maybe not intentional monsters, and have maybe not-evil reasons for joining, in the end, they are still Stormtroopers. Despite their intent, they are still genocidal monsters, still willingly part of a murderous and oppressive regime. Still on the wrong side of galactic history.

Yeah, not bad. 

This was a surprisingly interesting and well-executed idea. 

Also, I'm a fan of any short film that is able to make something like this, a film that is a clever and believable part of a much larger sci-fi epic, all while working with an almost non-existent budget, and yet not advertising that fact. 

Well done.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016


Another day, another Star Wars Fan Film...

There seems to be no end to Star Wars Fan Films, and for some reason, they all seem to be about Jedi. I should know too, because I've been watching a ton of these things lately, and all so that I could share them with you lucky bastards.

You can find the others here.

I'm going to be honest with you people, the Jedi bore the shit out of me now. The Jedi, the Sith, the Force... it's all so overdone at this point, isn't it? I mean, come on, how much "Parkour Fencing" can people watch? At this point, it seems like people can't get enough of it. At every opportunity, they're like "give me more spinning and jumping! No! MORE! MORE, I said!!!" I'm so over it. I hate to say that before sitting down and watching a short film that is obviously all about Jedi stuff, but it's true. It's always the same... boring. This is one of the main reasons why I'm so interested in the up-coming Star Wars side-film Rogue One... there's no god damn Jedi in it, or at least, not as many as usual. Hopefully. Besides, Vader, of course. Seriously though, I swear, if Jyn Erso turns out to be yet another "The One" force-user, I'm done with the whole franchise.

But I digress...

So, today's fan film is called Hoshino. It was directed by Stephen Vitale, written by Eric Carrasco, and neither of them have much of an on-line presence. At least, not like usual. This particular fan film isn't even listed on IMDB. So, I can't tell you much about them, or judge their work too much. As per tradition, before viewing the film, the people behind it, and their product, are almost a complete mystery to me. It looks like Vitale has made a lot of short films, and apparently Carrasco has written an episode of Supergirl, though, so that's cool. Also, the film stars Anna Akana, who has been in a lot of things, including the movie Ant-Man apparently. She's listed as "The Writer". I think that means that she was the woman at the end of the film who connects Anthony Mackie's Falcon to Michael Pena's Luis, and ultimately Paul Rudd's Scott Lang, which led to Ant-Man appearing in Civil War, and so on and so on, yadda, yadda, yadda...

But once again, I digress...

The synopsis of Hoshino is a simple one: The tale of blind Jedi Master Ko Hoshino and her journey to become one with the force. Now, a word of warning, it's been my experience that when the synopsis is this vague, that's a red flag.

So, on that note, let's see what we got here.

Good luck to us both...

That wasn't too bad.

On the whole, the film was well shot, and decently written. Yeah... Not bad. The Master/Padawan relationship is a little cliched, but well enough, I guess. The effects are decent, and they serve the story well. I really liked the way the present day part of the story implied the greater war going on.

Not bad.

On the other hand, the reveal of the cause of her blindness is maybe a little underwhelming, and focusing on it so much, and her time before she was blind, only ends up like they're ignoring her journey from headstrong upstart to bad ass zatoichi Jedi, which is honestly the meat of the character. Also, and this is coming from someone who has hopefully made his stance on Parkour Fencing clear, a little bit more of the fight at the end would've made the film much more satisfying on the whole. I mean, I know David Mamet says "show up late and leave early", but shit, man... don't leave THAT early.

All in all, not too bad. Good, but not great.

Monday, November 14, 2016


Okay, so, there's a lot of ground to cover here.

A lot of things have changed concerning all of this NANoWriMo stuff, as my intentions that started out in one place, have already ended up in another, and it's only been a couple of weeks. Y'see, when I was first planning to do a blog about my participation in this year's NaNoWriMo challenge, it was two weeks ago. It was still October then. Everything was still wonderful then. The very air smelled of hope and possibilities. The world was still bright and green and beautiful, children danced and sang; Nothing had gone to shit yet.

But that was then...

I've told you about this, right?

In case you missed it, NaNoWriMo is the incredibly stupid, needlessly difficult to say, acronym for the National Novel Writing Month Challenge. It takes place in November, and the idea is probably pretty self-evident: You write a novel over the course of the month. Or at least 50,000 words of one. That was my goal, at least. If I averaged about 1600-some words a day, at the end of the month, I would have reached my goal. A nearly complete, maybe almost two-thirds done, first draft of a novel. It's a fun and scary prospect with the hardest part being, not only coming up with a story, but maintaining discipline and forward momentum, maintaining somehow keeping yourself from stopping and editing and obsessing, maintaining somehow keeping yourself continually writing. In a nutshell, You can fix it later is the mantra. It's not an easy thing to do.

This year, I decided to try it out for the first time...

And I failed.

Mostly, I'm blaming Trump, because, well... fuck him. However, the real truth is that with everything that was going on, I got off schedule. I fell behind on my word count. Now I'll never make 50,000 words by the end of the month. It's just not going to happen, especially when you consider the fact that Thanksgiving is right around the corner as well, which, seriously... why the fuck didn't anyone thing of that? Why not put the challenge in January? It makes no sense... Anyway, like I said, with the holidays coming up, on top of everything else, yeah... It's not going to happen.

But that's okay, I'm still going to finish the book.

Thanks, Kermit.

I'm almost 8000 words into it now. I like what I've got so far. It's a simple idea, but one that can hold a lot more thematically then you would think at first glance, so that's good. I also know how it ends, and I have plenty of things to throw in there to make it to about 80,000-ish words total, maybe. There's a lot of elements that have been floating around my Idea Folder for awhile that I'm excited to use as well. All things considered, I feel like I'm in a good spot. I'm feeling pretty strong too, writing-wise. So, I'm just going to go on as originally intended, try to write every day with the same word-count goal in mind, except now, without any of the pressure. So that's nice. 

Here's my NaNoWriMo page, if you're interested.

And here's a link to the WIP itself.

So, right off the bat... yeah, I know, the working title is bad, super bad, and it might already be taken. And, yes, the picture doesn't really capture what the story is about. I know. I honestly have no idea what it's from either, I just found it on a random Google Image search, and figured... close enough. Also, the synopsis isn't that tight either. Believe me, I'm aware of all this stuff. How could I not be? I mean, Hellevator? Come on. But like I said, it's a working title. I'll worry about refining that stuff when I'm done. For now, I'm just writing.

I'll fix it later.