Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Lila Cheney ft. Dazzler and the New Mutants

I mentioned fan films yesterday. I warned you I was going to be sharing some. Well... now I'm delivering on that threat. First up is a film that I think is called I WILL STEAL YOUR HEART. It features Lila Cheney, Alison Blaire, and the New Mutants.

I know what you're saying... who?

And thus, we see the true essence of the fan film. In order for someone to want to make a fan film, they have to be SUPER into whatever it is they're making the film about. SUPER into it. You're a "fan", get it? And not a casual one either, no, no, no, you have the type of person that often reminds other people that the word "Fan" is derived from the word "Fanatic", know what I mean?

Lila Cheney, Alison Blaire, and the New Mutants are all somewhat lesser known X-Men characters. You know... from the Hugh Jackman movies?

Anyway, Lila Cheney was a rock star with the mutant ability to teleport over vast intergalactic distances. Alison Blaire was also a rock star, but she was X-Men as well, known as Dazzler, and had the mutant ability to turn sound into different types of light, like lasers, for instance, or bright flashes, or sometimes lasers. The New Mutants were a rotating cast of young teens at the Xavier School of Mutants who were too young to be X-Men. They were emo before emo was even a word. I read the title on occasion, but not a lot. Mostly I just remember them crying. A lot. And when they weren't crying, they seemed to go to a lot of Lila Cheney concerts.

Which is basically what I think this fan-film is about. It might also be a music video.

The official synopsis is an appropriate blurt of confusing nonsense: The sequel to the 2014 DAZZLER music video, "I WILL STEAL YOUR HEART" sees the NEW MUTANTS attending a concert by LILA CHENEY, the hottest underground rock act in the galaxy!

Oh, man, this could turn out to be terrible...

You know what? I kind of loved that.

I'm not saying it was genius or anything, but as goofy, made-in-Canada as the thing looked, it was fun, and silly, and honestly, maybe the most source-accurate fan film I've ever seen. Really, all that was missing was Rahne crying. The characters were totally on point. It was ridiculously earnest. They even had a nod to the Sam Guthrie/Lila Cheney romance, something that even as a kid seemed kind of weird to me, since Sam was presumably supposed to be somewhere around 16 and Lila was a rock star presumably in her 20. I mean, if Sam isn't old enough to be on the X-Men, he's obviously not old enough to handle Marvel's Joan Jett/Pat Benatar knock-off, amirite?

But, here's the really weird thing...think about this for a second... All that goofy/fun fan love stuff aside, what the hell was this? A randomly accurate bit of cosplaying? A surprise music video sneakily disguised as fan film? What was this for? Why was it made? Did anyone actually buy the music?

And for an added bonus of fucking weird, check out the previously mentioned Dazzler video...

Longshot's wig, people... what the fuck? Seriously, what the hell are these?


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