Friday, March 14, 2014

Films I'm looking forward to - Noah

Normally I shun any kind of bible stuff in popular fiction. As soon as it becomes apparent, I'm out. This is true of actually any religious dogma to be honest, but it's especially true for bible shit. No, thank you. This is just how I roll. I'm just not interested. I find it dull and preachy and overly concerned with itself. It bores me. And I especially dislike all of the stupid baggage that comes part and parcel with anything bible related. I find any time I have to talk to its adherents about their cult tedious, especially when they have a real head of self-righteous steam going, and the fact that they are constantly going on and on about it, with their whining and bitching and trying to shove their default status in everyone's faces, is exhausting. I mean, there are already boycotts planned for this film because they claim it's offensive, but none of them have even see it. Why can't they just keep it to themselves and leave everybody else alone? Fucked if I know, but in a most likely completely futile attempt to get ahead of the inevitable flood of Butt-hurt Bible Folks (the name of my next band), the studio is attaching a disclaimer to some of the trailers: 

The film is inspired by the story of Noah.
While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values, and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide.
The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.

You hear that, people, it's in the Book of Genesis, you know, just in case you were out there going: "Holy shit! What the hell was that and where can I read more about it?" There's your answer: Book of Genesis. Which I can only assume is an easy lover that will take your heart, but you won't feel it, like no other and before you know it? You'll be on your knees. YOU'LL BE DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!

But I digress...

Most of all, I usually avoid bible shit because it's an easy bet that whatever it is, be it a movie, TV show, music, book, or whatever, it's going to be absolutely terrible. Terrible and amateurish and shockingly dumb. Every time. It's like the genre attracts the talentless and the hacky. It's a reliable bet. So, yeah, normally I shun this kind of shit. No fucking thank you.

However, I am somewhat interested in Darren Aronofsky

But I don't worship his films like some do, so I'm still only somewhat interested. In fact, his involvement alone probably wouldn't have been enough to get me into the theatre if it were just for a straight-up bible epic. But then I start to hear things, good things, weird things, interesting things, things about giant, multi-limbed, rock-covered and battle-ready fallen angels. I start to hear about a divergent world with its own technology getting washed away from the flood. I start to hear about special screenings for the various film sites out there because Aronofsky is more concerned with alienating genre fans than kowtowing to the frothing Evangelicals--significant because they're usually a better money bet--because he says his film is actually an Epic Fantasy. And then I start to read some surprisingly good advanced reviews and from places you wouldn't expect to see them either. 

Now I'm a little interested, so let's check this trailer out...

Hmmm... Seems a little wonky and melodramatic, huh? But I suppose there isn't too many ways around that. Being a bit over-stuffed is a hallmark of most bible shit honestly. I do like the imagery, Aronofsky has an incredible eye. Plus, the hints of the weirdness and crazy apocalyptic stuff looks great. A guy with a flaming sword banging the ground? Whaaaa? Tell me more. The flood looks appropriately epic too. The big question is: Will the whole Ham as justification for slavery thing be left out? Probably. But will Noah be portrayed as a huge drunken asshole? It does star Russel Crowe, so I'm betting there's a good chance. Either way, yeah... I'm definitely interested, which I guess isn't that surprising since the story is basically about a crazy, backwoods Prepper who turns out to be right. 

So... we shall see, I suppose,

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