Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Filmzilla Reprint: Top 5: Christopher Lambert

Filmzilla is gone. The store is closed, the movies have been hauled away and its somewhat neglected blog has been wiped from existence like a victim of Newspeak. I posted some stuff there on occasion. Those posts still exist, proof of what once was. I've decided to reprint them here.

I hope you enjoy...

Christopher Lambert (pronounced Lamb-Bear with a single arched eyebrow and a broad, rolling French accent) is said to have been born of a man and woman, although many later claims refute this. Raised by wolves in the Swiss Alps, he was found, a feral child devouring a moose carcass, by a group of mustachioed gentleman explorers chasing the legend of the Lost City of Shangra-la. Returned to civilization in chains, he was taught the art of war by ancient Masters of Kung fu and the art of theatre by the Russian greats. His cinematic legacy will be one for the ages. Feast, feast, ye mortals upon an awesome as pure and undeniable as a thousand burning suns.

My Top Five Favorite Christopher Lambert movies

5. Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes

Forsaking his native tongue of Aramaic, this film featured M. Lambert in what would prove to be the first of many of his English speaking roles. Also, the gorilla costumes in this movie were said to be so unbelievably realistic that no less than three crew members were ripped to pieces by actual gorillas before those on set were finally able to tell the difference.

4. The Hunted

There are those who would claim there's absolutely no reason for Christopher Lambert to appear in this film, a kick-ass actioneer about a 200 year old blood feud between a family of samurai and a clan of ninjas set in modern day Japan. And there are those who would agree with this assessment, also adding that M. Lambert's finely essayed character of Paul Racine, random American business man on a random business trip to Japan who becomes a sword-swinging bad-ass in a few short weeks, is completely superfluous. To those philistines I would simply say: Perhaps you didn't notice, but Joan Chen of the brilliant The Blood of Heroes is in this movie too.

3. Fortress

This film takes place in a dark future, a truly dystopian world trying to stop M. Lambert from passing down his awesomeness in the form of his child, a future that can not handle the idea of the Lambert line continuing for all eternity, as it should. It's horrifying. The rest of the movie concerns a prison break.

2. Beowulf

They say the original poem of Beowulf is over 1000 years old, a tale of adventure and heroism, a Nordic legend that has stuck with us and will continue to do so. It is a part of the fabric of global history, culture, and identity. It is a part of us, a source of many of our own modern day adventure stories. And as such, there's only two things that could possibly make this tale any cooler...
1. Christopher Lambert.
2. Make it Sci-fi.

1. Highlander

If there truly can be only one, than this film is obviously going to be it. Hands down. No competition. This film cemented M. Lambert's kung fu creditials, a reputation he continues to trade off of to this very day. It is a true classic, loaded with brilliance. A short list: Sean Connery--A Scottish actor who only appears in the scenes set in Scotland, but does NOT play a Scottish character, he plays an Egyptian. Clancy Brown's character's sword comes in three separate pieces he slides together... never breaks. And the soundtrack? All Queen.

Fantastic, then.

Come on down and rent a movie,
(Well... not anymore...)

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