"You need to stop doing so many mushrooms!"
This is one of the short films (known as a bumper) that is playing before some of the films currently showing down at South by Southwest (SXSW). It is a story of love and hate, of obsession and turtles, of the ravages of drug abuse and of two brothers, simple plumbers turned heroes.
Hey all, how you doing? Are you here to find out about my book? Yeah? Well, you've come to the right place. In fact, I'll make it easy for you. Click on the link below to experience all the blogs that talk about my finished, but still unpublished, novel.
I realize it may have been awhile since I've really put this out there, so lets break it down. I know you want to know. I can hear you asking me, bombarding me with your questions: Jon, you say, I know you're currently querying Agents about this book of yours, but what's it about, what's your elevator pitch?
Well, I'll tell ya'...
It's Mad Max
meets Dawn of the Dead,
with a little Bonnie and Clyde thrown in.
I'm mean, that's just an elevator pitch, of course, so it's very much an intentional over-simplification and not entirely representative of what the book is really about, but, you know, it's close enough. Do you want to know more? Are you interested? Ok then, here is template of what I send in my query letters...
"Dear Random Agent,
I am currently seeking representation for Gunslingers of the Apocalypse, my recently completed post-apocalyptic adventure novel. Set in a broken down world where the tattered remnants of society fight over scraps and zombies stalk the rubble-strewn streets, it is a tale of love and war and life after the end of everything. This polished 158,000 word manuscript is the first in a planned tetralogy of connected, yet stand-alone novels, all featuring the lead character, “Black Magic” Jack El-Hai.
Shamus Award-winning author of Archangel Protocol, Lyda Morehouse, says Gunslingers "rocks!" David Housewright, Edgar Award-winning author of Dead Boyfriends calls Gunslingers "a rat-a-tat-tat action adventure that grabs your attention like a machine gun in the wrong hands. Hansen really makes things jump with an ambitious plot and smart characters."
Six months ago, the Dead rose and the world came to a sudden and violent end. A virus burned across the face of the planet and in the aftermath, the choice was clear: You either learned the rules of survival or you joined the legions of the walking Dead. “Black Magic” Jack El-Hai learned these rules; that's how he managed to stay alive in the fiery ruins of the Collapse when so many others did not. Amidst the chaos, Jack meets a young woman named Noelle Easter—tattooed, resourceful, and rowdy—they are a perfect match and soon, wild in love. Together, they survive the end of the world. However, staying alive means hard choices, it means spilling blood, it means killing. So when they finally find refuge in a small Midwestern town—a place spared due to isolation and a tall fence—Jack and Noelle also find a new purpose: scavenging. They spend their days among the ruins of the old world hunting for the things people need to survive. It’s a dangerous occupation, a daily battle against both the ravenous Dead and the murderous living alike, but the town depends on them. It’s not a great life, but it’s better than most… Lately, though, things are getting worse. Trouble is coming; Jack knows it. The Dead are gathering at the fence in greater numbers, scavengers are dying, and the shaky truce struck with the rival camps of survivors is beginning to crumble. Finally, when the town is invaded and an iron-fisted new rule threatens everything he holds dear, including Noelle, Jack quickly discovers that the true monsters are not the ones locked outside the fence…they’re locked within.
I appreciate your consideration. I have included a five page sample. The entire manuscript is available upon your request. You may contact me by phone or e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you. As a courtesy, I am querying other Agents.
Sincerely, Yours Truly"
Would that rope you? I hope so, because that's what I got. Here's a fun fact for a little bit o' insight into me and my book: If I get the chance to have some input on my cover, I'd request a homage to this picture from the movie Sid and Nancy, but a little more zombie apocalyptic-y. Maybe they'll be dangling shotguns in their hands while some hunched silhouettes lurch around in the background, something like that.
So, as you all no doubt know, I'm cast out in the world again. The good news is: I'm working at a temp position I'll fill you all in on sooner or later. I was kind of looking forward to a week of resume building and appointment making and more than a little work on my own writing, but a job is a job, right? The long and the short of it all is: It's good for now, but it's short term, so... I'm in a bit of a holding pattern. Fear not, cats and kittens and my well loved long-time Readers, trust that I trudge onwards, ever onwards, and will settle back into a new routine soon enough.