Thursday, April 22, 2010

Happy Earth Day!


On the news today they were like: "The biggest movie of all time--Avatar--will be released today, appropriately enough on Earth Day." And I thought: What? Appropriately? I mean, I realize a lot of people out there like to cite Avatar's supposedly "pro-environmental" stance as a way to validate the otherwise hollow spectacle that is this film, but come on... First of all, Avatar and everything that goes with it is about as "environmental" as a faded re-cycle bumper sticker slowly peeling away from the fender of an SUV. And secondly, it's EARTH Day, not PANDORA Day... duh...

Now, admittedly, I am not a fan of the trite and predictable fancy-fancy-flash-flash-yippee-Kaboom-explode extravaganza that James Cameron likes to pretend is a fully rounded and realized film and not a boring, cliche ridden snooze-fest saved from being a completely worthless cinematic experience only by it's amazing 3-D presentation--although that only carried its tired, sagging, and overly familiar albatross of a storyline so far--but regardless, I am without a doubt, WAY in the minority when it comes to that opinion.

After 18 weeks:
Avatar
$745,219,191 Domestic Box Office
$1,967,000,000 Foreign Box Office
Which makes it: $2,712,219,191 Worldwide

Nearly 3 billion dollars! 3 BILLION! I may have thought that it sucked, but apparently the world disagreed with me... big time... apparently this film was EXACTLY what every single last one of those fuckers wanted to see.

Which, to me, is just... wow... sing it for me, Hall & Oates

But be warned, all you fine folks out there with your poor taste, as you go trodding out into the world on this, a fine and beautiful Earth Day, while whistling a jaunty tune on your way to the nearest Target to buy the greatest movie ever made (Avatar). The DVD on sale today is a pitiable creature, a bare bones single disc without commentary or special features. The WOO-HOO 4 Disc edition will be out later this month... Of course, you may not want to buy THAT ONE either, as the movie is being re-released to theatres in August with an additional 6 minutes that is guaranteed to siphon another $10 to $15 dollars from your wallet, after which I am nearly positive there will be a "definitive" set released just in time for Christmas and sometime after that, most likely, a Director's Cut.

That is... unless George Lucas sues him for honing in on his act...

Yours truly,
The odd man out,
Jon

2 comments:

Marshall Banana said...

You have to be kidding me, they are going to release it again?? Has Cameron not made enough money?

Jon said...

Never.

He's the King of the World.