Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Hello, my friends, hello

Like I said before: This whole working for a living thing is for the birds. What the hell, man? I mean, don’t they realize that I have stuff that I would rather be doing? Its so inconvenient.

Speaking of things I’d rather be doing… (SEXUAL INNUENDO), I am currently attempting to finish up the second chapter of Bastard out of Minnesota in time for me to send it out to the Sparkle Ball Death Bunnies, so that they can critique it for me at next Monday's meeting. Honestly, though, between you and me, gentle reader, at the moment the prospects of that coming together in time are somewhat grim, as the days have been slipping of late at a rather break-neck quicksilver pace. I’m going to give it the ol’ college try, though, so here’s hoping… but 15 to 20 pages in two or so days…? Ehhhhh… maybe…

Also, sometime this week, I need to meet with both of the Twin Star Copy Editor Sukiyaki Death Squad Girls and squeeze some more pages out of them, thus keeping Gunslingers of the Apocalypse on a regular and steady, albeit somewhat slow, schedule toward Q Day or as it will someday be known as in song and in legend: The Day of Mailing.

On the “something to look forward to” front, I went to Microcon on Sunday (a somewhat anti-climatic moment for me, considering that it was my first Geek Convention type thing ever, but it was a small show so whatever…) and I talked to Zander Cannon there, (http://www.bigtimeattic.com/) and as a result, I have decided that I’m going to try to make next Thursday’s meeting of the Cartoonist Conspiracy (http://www.cartoonistconspiracy.com/conspire/) and take some short stories or something with me and have people draw them (hopefully with better results this time). While there I will chat up some of the artists and whatnot and then… who knows… but I can only assume that it will probably be magic… I have to remember to drop Zander a line about the etiquette when it comes to maybe bringing some stuff for people to draw. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes too much at the start, as artists in general can be a prickly, irritable and grudge-holding lot (i.e. me).

Also, I have submitted my short, short story to Brain Harvest (http://www.brainharvestmag.com/) so we’ll see what they say, hopefully somewhat soon… I am proud of the end result though, so this time, should they turn me down, I will definitely post it here for you all to read and enjoy.

Anyway, wish me luck!

Also:


sexy, sexy, sexy

Thursday, April 23, 2009

It’s a Three-way!

Oh. My. God.

Ladies and Gentlemen, much like the owner of this blog, this is kind of a big deal! Personally, I don’t think anything could ever be this exciting! Yes, hope has arrived! Yes, times were dark. Yes, the braless and bouncing hordes had taken over. Yes, those unrestrained and massive mounds had cast the King from his gilded and Google Searched Throne. Yes, we had suddenly found ourselves living beneath the long and dark shadow of those great jiggly titties. Yes, true, it wasn’t that unpleasant a prospect as far as possible futures go, but that future is quite suddenly in doubt, for…

The King has returned!

Today, I glanced at the keyword search and low and behold: Shocker! Never one to be counted out... after all this is a man who once walked through Bedford Stye alone... Billy Joel is back and attempting to reassert his claim! And even better, the clarion call of the trumpets sounded out with our plight and a hero answered the call, a man more than willing to take on free range boobies: Nathan Fillion has re-appeared and is making a bid for the Throne!

YAY!

It’s a Three-way, a dead heat for the title:

The Piano Man...



And Captain Mal...


Versus Braless boobies...







Who will emerge victorious? Who? Rest assured, gentle readers, my nails will be gnawed down to nubs before this is all over!

So Exciting!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Boobs without a hint of sag!

It’s amazing, folks, it is simply amazing. The big, bouncing braless boobs that are bigger than your head just keep on trucking! They are unstoppable! I put those things on my blog a while back and suddenly it’s hit city down here in blog town. Big time! Seriously, people, it is shocking. Shocking! I mean, right now, there could be anywhere up to three, four, maybe even five creepy little guys from all over the world reading this right now… Right now! Think about that! Imagine, there might be some guy sitting out there in some crappy Bangladeshi five and dime, sweating in the humid jungle heat, surfing the web on a cobbled together laptop and all while on a desperate quest for some Tig ol’ Bitties and guess what, he ends up here. Too bad, so sad, my little horn-dog friend. Neiner, neiner, fooled you! Wow... Its all so Twenty first Century. God damn, man… William Gibson was right, yo.

And just what is it that brings this brave new world together?

Thats right. One Word: Boob

Admittedly, sometimes it's two words: Braless boobs

And sometimes it's three: Big, bouncing boobs.

At this point, its got to be at least half of my traffic. At least. Shit, I may even add it to my tagline: Jon’s Blog: All Boob, All the Time. And then…wait a minute…Hmmm… maybe not, maybe that’s a bad idea, as upon further inspection an unfortunate double entendre has suddenly become apparent.

Scrap that idea!

I wonder if it annoys them… my secret little cabal of International Internet masturbators… I wonder if they get all miffed while they’re on their hunt for boobage and the link to my blog pops up they get all excited and they’re like: “Sacrebleu! (Because its usually foreign guys.) Sacrebleu! A new Source! Merde! Bigger than my head! This I must to see!”

Click.

And then… a dawning realization, something is wrong, and then there's a slow spread of disappointment… there is nothing here… nothing but jibber-jabber and tom-foolery for as far as the eye can see… Its got to be disappointing. I mean, sure, there’s a plethora (oh, si el jefe, you have a plethora…) of Le Sexy Ladies to gaze upon, not to mention the link that takes you straight away to the “way too lovely to ever bother with panties” Katie West, but really… honestly? Sometimes the only thing that’s gonna scratch that itch is porn, people, and in this case that particular piece of porn is breasts, large and unbound and all a-jiggling to beat the band. I almost feel bad for not delivering, almost but not much… Besides, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it… well, once… Bigger than your head? Totally in the eye of the beholder, my friend, totally in the eye of the beholder… We had this kid back in school we called Melon-head and... well, thats really the totality of the anecdote, so...

MOVING ON!

So, yes, its been a few days since my last blog and for that, I apologize, gentle readers. For all of you out there a-frettin’ and a-fitterin’. Let me assure you… once again… I’m not dead. No, even worse, I’ve been busy at work.

BUSY AT WORK!

What. The. Fuck.

Come on, man! Busy at work! What the shit is up with that shit? I mean, not only do I have to sit here for eight hours, but I’m expected to have to do stuff too? Gyp!

(Sidebar: Just a quick note of apology to all of my gypsy readers out there for the employment of such a derogatory term and I hope I haven’t offended any of you with it, especially if you are planning on camping on my lawn and juggling and then cursing me with your gypsy magic, especially if that curse involves taking my soul and making me all emo and whiny until the day I happen to experience true happiness… because apparently that makes you fat… On the flip side of that, though, you CAN curse me if it's that “Thinner” curse, because I actually do need to drop a few pounds and I’d rather not go to the Gym, if I can help it, or as I more commonly refer to it: Douchebag Central.)

…But I digress…

Anyway… yeah, man, they’re totally making me do shit here at the day prison. Hello, slave labor anyone? Where’s Lincoln when you need him, the big gangly fucking goofball. I mean, I barely have enough time to read all my on-line comics and geek news sites as it is, not too mention serendipitously looking up my own porn AND updating this thing… I am only a man, damn it, though it may appear otherwise at times, in the end, I am only a man.

Also… speaking of slave labor… today is my double shift… ugh, kind of telling that I almost wrote: double shit… I am tired and honestly, cats and kittens, I’m feeling a little behind on my real work. I need to get these copy edits done. I need to start work on Book 2, Chapter 2. I need to finish the polishes on the short, short story so that it is ready for submission by the end of the week. I want to write some more comic book stuff too. And all of that is not even mentioning all the general life stuff… Fucking Wednesday just gets in the way, man.

But then there’s the money…

And that’s the rub... thats the rub...

Friday, April 17, 2009

Holy Crap!

Simply fantastic.

It's one of the best things ever.

http://marmadukeexplained.blogspot.com/


Seriously...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Alone again, naturally...

I'm at work.

All by myself. Alone in a sea of cubicles. The late shift. The good news is that this is the last one of these 11-8 late shifts for a good long while, or at least, for the foreseeable future. The bad news is that it usually starts out as a week day where you get to sleep in and ends with two hours of unsupervised free money, a time to fart at will and peruse risque websites, now gone. Of course, some even worse news might be: Being all alone in an office building at night is usually how horror films start... Thank God I'm only Man-pretty, instead of sexy Co-ed pretty or I'd be fucked.

So, as I glance suspiciously over my shoulder and down the silent row of cubes... was that the janitor? Hmmm... oh well, anyway, not much else going on. Did you all take some time yesterday to gaze upon the ethereal nudie beautie that is Katie West? God, I love her. I mean come on, she takes naked pictures of her and her one friend... naked! ...Sounds like Art to me.

Last night was my last comic book class and all in all, the one great, shining, single horrible disappointment aside, I'd have to give the class an over-all thumbs up. Also, good news for you jealous of me and my life types, I happen to know that there is another one coming next year, so if you live in the area and you have always wanted to talk comics, learn comics and write comics one night a week for six weeks in a row and all for the low, low price of about a single C-note or so, then man, let me tell ya, this class was practically made for you. It's a real good time and Zander did a good job... so if you're interested, yes, check it out. It's totally worth it.

So basically all y'all cats and kittens, it should go without saying that good geeks always support each other, so if you see something out there by Zander Cannon, (http://www.bigtimeattic.com/) then you should pick it up, as not only is he pretty talented pencil-wise but he has also put some pretty interesting stuff out there. Plus, he has a great name. I almost wish I didn't know him and then I could use his name in a story with creative impunity, because Zander Cannon sounds like some kind of seventies super-spy or something, right? I wonder if he ever wears turtlenecks and a blazer? Hmmmm...

Oh, I almost forgot. I am sad to announce the toppling of an empire... yes, Billy Joel has fallen from his throne, he has been cast down to smote his ruin on the mountainside and he has taken Natalie Portman's butt with him. Last night began the reign of "Big, beautiful boobs braless" after finally, somewhere in the wilds of far off china, some guy really, really wanted to see some large and unfettered titty.

Instead he found me.

HA-ha!

The downside of such unintentionally hilarious international Internet shenanigans is, of course, the felling of a giant. With Billy Joel's downfall passes a golden age here at my blog... A time that will surely be fondly remembered in story and in song by our children and our children's children, the tale of long ago and the time of Billy Joel Vienna and his Queen, Natalie Portman's Butt.

The King is Dead, long live the King!

Moving on, Monday will mark a good day hopefully, as I have submitted my 750 word short, short story for the Sparkle Ball Death Bunnies (formerly These Precedes Knees) to critique and I am excited to hear their feedback. Once they're done, I'm planning to submit the story to a webpage that pays that I read about here: http://wyrdsmiths.blogspot.com/2009/04/new-paying-market-that-made-me-smile.html

If any of you, my faithful readers, feel like churning something out, you should get to it. We could be on there together! Yippie-skippie! Sure, sure, its not that much money (up to $37.50!) but that's not really the point. It'll be fun, come on. All its has to be is a 750 word or less story of bad-ass speculative fiction. Come on, you can do that in your sleep!

Get to work!

Hmmm... maybe I should too...

Oh! Why hello there...



So... Live long and prosper indeed, pretty lady....

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

My new obsession...

Katie West. She is not safe for work... and I like it.



Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dear Joss Whedon,

Hi, my name is Jon and I’m a big fan (I liked Alien 4, if that helps you to gauge any…) and I’m writing to you today, via my blog here, (its nice, huh? …Did it myself.) because I wanted to rap with you a bit, you know, just talk some shit out, just you and I (and both my readers), man to man, because frankly, Joss (can I call you Joss? Thanks). Frankly Joss, I’m a bit confused…

You see, much like that issue of Avengers where they had Hank Pym shrink down to ant size and then crawl around in Janet Van Dyne’s vagina and emerge out from under the blanket all covered in “sweat”, when I heard you were returning to Fox in order to do your latest show… I was flabbergasted, I mean, there were no words, man… no words… None except:

What the fuck are you doing back at Fox?

I don’t get it, do you like being screwed over? Do you like being dumped suddenly and unceremoniously? Do you like being interfered with and second-guessed at every turn? Do you enjoy it when others have a complete and total lack of faith in your abilities? I mean, sure, Eliza is awesome, I’m totally with you there, I am often quoted as saying: I only use the term “bad ass” in reference to Kung Fu and Eliza Dushku (admittedly, by “often” I mean “just now”) and apparently and unfortunately she has signed some kind of an exclusivity deal with Fox, which is too bad, because that means that if you want her, then you get them, but still, man…



Well… Alright, okay, I get it… but here, try this one on for size instead… After the myriad of odd and amazing genre shows that Fox has made a history of green-lighting, one after the other, like the bunch of fucking wad-job prick teasing bastards that they are and then destroying and/or canning after only a handful of episodes, one of them being your own little piece of super-awesomeness (Firefly), why the hell would you pick Dollhouse as the go-to choice for giving Fox a second chance at a working relationship?

And that’s the core of it all, man, lets just be honest here, because I think many people out there have missed the point. They go on and on how you should go to HBO, (you should, seriously… your shows may not necessarily NEED copious amounts of blood, boobs and swearing, but the freedom to use the tools should you want them can only be all the more creatively liberating) others say you should run for Sci-fi (Or SyFy, which to me means you need to stay the fuck away from those stupid geek self loather asshole bastards…) but that’s just bullshit, because there was nothing you could do about Fox’s involvement, that’s just the way shit went down.

Why?

Because you wanted to work with Eliza...



...understandable.

So the problem becomes instead: the show itself.

Here’s what I’ve read from the start: Mind wiped Humans called Actives are kept in a fancy penthouse and then hired out by a super secret corporation to an elite clientele and these Actives can be imprinted with various personalities and skill sets, so that they can be anything required. Echo is one of them and The BSG guy is an FBI agent on her and the Dollhouse’s trail… AND…

Then what?

That’s the problem..

Then what?

She remembers? She escapes? She finds love? She goes crazy? She rides off on a giant luck dragon? She wakes up and discovers she’s Bob Newheart? What?

I mean, the show has a really interesting hook, sure, each week you can make Eliza wear a different fetish outfit… kidding… but really, the potential to do any kind of stories you want each week is apparent. There’s no way that it wouldn’t be fun, but really, the plot, the thrust of the show, did it ever occur to you that perhaps it might be a little too vague for the modern Fox audience? (NASCAR on Fox! Up next: Dollhouse…? Dude…) You can’t sum up the plot in a single pitch line and the idea of exploring the gray vagaries of the morally and ethically tenuous sci-fi world of the day after tomorrow, is not the kind of tagline that makes most potential audience members sit up and beg for more.

It’s not.

Plus, look what they do to you: They stick you on Fridays? What the hell? Isn’t that pretty much considered a vote of no confidence? How’s that feel? Is it worth it, Joss? Do you enjoy hanging out on the cancellation cusp before the first episode can even air? Do you enjoy having them tell you that the pilot episode, the initial vision of YOUR show that you want to present to the audience, that you want to use to introduce the audience to your new world, is wrong… again? Why?

Now me? I trust your vision. I am one of those people out there more than willing to tag along and find out all in good time whatever it is that you have planned, but I’m not Fox. Why did you go so high concept? All hook, no basic over-plot? Is that a good idea when working with Fox? Is it a good idea to make a show with them that requires a lot of patience and a slow build up of its audience in order to succeed? Fox? Do they have a record of patience with that sort of thing? Didn’t you consider their current history? Didn’t you consider YOUR history with them? Is the Fox Network considered a fan of the complex, vague, subtle, and/or not that flashy? Once maybe, but now?

Ah… no…

So, why not be a little bit more straight forward?

Girl spy, disavowed, framed and on her own. Who can she trust in order to clear her name… go. (Okay, maybe that’s a little close to Alias, but you can make it your own, just have her cry less often... a lot less often… please…)

Girl discovers she has super powers and ends up falling head long into the world’s secret superhero history… go. (Okay, echoes of Planetary, but… is that a bad thing?)

Girl Thief making her way through dystopian future… go. (Oh wait, you already did something kind of like that and it was called Fray… hmmm… familiar ground, not a bad thing to have when starting a new show….)

But no, you go with Dollhouse… Mind wiped Humans called Actives are kept in a fancy penthouse and then hired out by a super secret corporation to an elite clientele and these Actives can be imprinted with various personalities and skill sets, so that they can be anything required. Echo is one of them and The BSG guy is an FBI agent on her and the Dollhouse’s trail… AND then… I don’t know what…

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been enjoying it, especially now that those first 6 episodes that Fox had its crappy little fingers all over are done , but even though I’ve been enjoying the show, even though I’m sticking around… Deep down, I know its not gonna last… I’ve known from the start… We all have… It has always been a mere step or two from the chopping block. Nine episodes? I’m surprised you made it that far…

Dude… I’m sorry, but come on.

Why didn’t you go flashy? I know its not really your style, but YOU’RE the one that choose to work with Fox, so be a realist. Look, basically, what I’m saying is, in the future, the next time Fox sets up that football and you come running across that field, all retardedly excited to kick it… don’t be surprised when they yank it out of the way at the last moment… again.

Dumbass.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Back on Track

Hey there, boys and girls!

I know, I know, I’ve been away again, I know, but come on, that comic page was really disheartening, depressing even, so I took Friday off.

Man, that thing sucked...

So disappointing...

Its gonna take me awhile to get over this...

In the interim, this one is just going to be a quick update for you, on this busy, busy day, so as to keep you all informed as to my plans and just what exactly is going on here in the near future with me… because that’s obviously why you all keep coming back here…


So anyway, with the great comic debacle of ’09 firmly behind us, we move on, lungs full, bodies rejuvenated and invigorated, minds charged with possibilities and our heads held high.

YAH!

Editing progresses on Gunslingers of the Apocalypse, same as it ever has, in fits and spurts and sudden insights. I’ve got pages currently back-logged from both Bad Ass Twin Star Copy Editor Sukiyaki Death Squad Girls, so I’ll be working on those for the next day or two.

Also, I’m going to try to get another chapter done on Bastard out of Minnesota so that These Precedes Knees (now possibly renamed to Sparkle Ball Death Bunnies, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope…) can critique it, but honestly, the prospects are grim on that one, as I haven’t even started on the thing yet, at all, and 20-ish pages by Thursday? Friday? Even for a manly man writing guy such as myself, to accomplish such a thing, why… why I’d have to be some sort of… God.

So, instead, I may send them a 750 odd word sci-fi story that I plan to submit to this SF website/webzine that actually pays (up to $37.50!). I read about it here: http://wyrdsmiths.blogspot.com/2009/04/new-paying-market-that-made-me-smile.html

And I thought: I'm pretty bad ass, so...

Wish me luck!

So, that’s me and my plans. Also, check back tomorrow, as I plan on writing a letter to Joss Whedon… on this blog, not by real mail or anything, pretty much ensuring that he will never receive it…

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Horror, the Horror

Oh the bitter tang of disappointment upon my tongue!

Oh, cruel fates!

Oh, the humanity!

Now I knew, I knew going in that there would be a chance, A CHANCE, that it might not turn out very good, that I might not like what I saw or that it might not be exactly what I wanted, I was ready for that. But I had no idea that not only would it fall completely short of any mark or measurement of quality what-so-ever, but that it could also easily be considered, at a glance and by a far, far country mile, as the single worst one in the entire class.

The single worst one.

Good God, how did I get so lucky?

Understand now… I didn’t expect genius level work. I wasn't demanding perfection. I didn’t expect a mind blowing job shining down from Heaven above, golden and glowing and changing the way that folks make comics from now to eternity... not for free and certainly not from someone who is doing this: A. as a favor and B. is most likely an artist by hobby (not that there’s anything wrong with doing stuff like this for fun) but I did expect it to NOT suck complete ass. And I’m talking MAJOR ass here, not just a little bit of ass… a LOT of ass. A lot. And apparently... that was too much to ask for...

This thing sucked so bad, it had its own Event Horizon.

Of course, I am referring to my 1 page comic book script.

Yes, we got them back last night and no… I am most definitely not going to post it. No way, no how. And its not because he didn’t do it completely the way that I wanted (he didn’t, not even close). Its not even that our styles didn’t match AT ALL (they don’t, at all). No, its mostly due to the undeniable fact that it looks like he didn’t even try, not even a little bit, (and if he did… dude… time for a new hobby). No, my page came back to me and I’m sitting there, seeing everyone else’s… oh, that looks nice, good shading… Oh, a little R. Crumb type stuff there, that's nice… Look at that, good line work… and then… FWAP! Mine lands beside me and…

Good Lord.

Not even one speck of professionalism. Not one. I mean, I get that its free and that my script may not be your genre, your thing, your style, whatever, but for fuck’s sake, man, have some pride in your work. What the fuck!

Little Ms. Supercute Girlfriend said to me at Grumpy’s, as I scowled into my beer after the fact: “It can’t be that bad.”

Then I showed her.

“Oh,” was all she said.

Oh is motherfucking right, man. Oh is motherfucking right.

Oh, as in: my God, what the fuck is that shit? Oh, as in: was this done by a retarded person? Oh, as in: maybe it was someone using their off hand, who was perhaps a little preoccupied? Oh, as in: what a fucking hack job, you fucking douche bag wad job jerk-ass cock fuck.

In my head I wanted something along the lines of Paul Pope maybe:





How's that for awesome?

Here’s a little bit of some le sexy ladies action for the fans…




Oooooo...


aaaaahhhh...


eeeeeee...


ooooooooooohhhh!

Also, Frank Quietly’s style is amazing, somebody thinking along those lines would have been cool:



Then there's John Cassidy, of course:


I mean, I certainly didn’t expect this level of quality, come on, not really, I am a realist, you know. But I was hoping for someone with the same sensibilities, someone who tried to draw a little bit along these same lines stylistically, I think it fits the tone of my script best... but what do I get? What does the big fucking winner of the night get?
Me?

I get a half-assed, unfinished, drunk ass, poorly copied Luann (not my comic):


What. The. Fuck.

Now, I was diplomatic with my response while in class. The artist wasn’t there, but still… I was all: Well, this is a good example of how sometimes an “artist” (yeah, in quotes) and a writer do not really mesh all that well stylistically. But what I really meant by that was: Oh. Oh, as in: fuck you, buddy. Thanks for nothing, you dick. Thanks for not even trying, you goddamn asswipe.

I’m not going to post it.

But I’m still unsure as to what exactly I am going to do with it. I feel as if crumpling it up is not really the right thing to do, akin perhaps, to martyring the wretched thing and ensuring that it will forever hang over my head like some horribly rendered ghost. No, I think I may still frame it, if for nothing else than a reminder of the how low the morass of crap out there can sink and to always choose your co-creators carefully from now on. And the fact that sometimes, some things are just plain ol' outside of your control. And that they can suck. Big time.

Total disappointment.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...

Whoa...

I must have fainted...

huh.

Anyway, by the ever ticking clock, it is just about quitting time and this mo-fo is ready to launch. Sooooo... yep... short blog. What do you want, re-read the title.

Big night tonight, my little chick-a-dees, big night. I am very, very excited for class, as both of you regular readers out there might remember. By tonight or at the very latest: tomorrow night, I will hopefully be posting the first ever drawn, inked and lettered page of my first ever comic! WOO-HOO!

Man... if it sucks, I am going to be pissed...

Oh, the delicious anticipation! Its like Christmas!

Google search update: Natalie Portman's butt has taken a firm hold on #2, with big, bouncing braless boobs sagging down into third! Billy Joel still reigns supreme!

Das ist alles fur heute!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I’m not dead yet…

Hey there, constant readers, how’s it hanging?

Been awhile, hasn't it?

I know, I know, I wanted to try to blog something every week day too, but... Whoops. I bet you've been feeling a little lost over the course of these last few days, huh? A little alone, maybe? I bet you've been feeling more than a little bit abandoned as you checked and re-checked the blog, each time growing more and more disillusioned, more and more depressed.... Well, what can I say, except: I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose. I still love you. It wasn't anything you said or did, not really... I mean, kind of, but you know, I've made peace with it, because that's just how you are. Its not really your fault, you were born like that. But I digress...

Anyway... so where was I all this time? I was out of town. I was snowed in and too far away to blog. Also, I didn’t really want to out of general laziness, but fear not, cats and kittens, I am now back, safe and sound and full of piss and wind and ready to blog again.

On the daily google search blog front, I am pleased to announce that while "Billy Joel" still holds the number one spot with the ease and self assurance of a true King born, second place is up for grabs as the various iterations of "big, braless boobs" are getting soundly smacked around by "Natalie Portman's butt."

Hows that for a visual?

Otherwise, not too much to report here. Today's note is just a quick one, nothing too special, just letting you know that I'm still alive. Tonight is my writer’s group. I’m excited for that, because we’ve had a few weeks here between our meetings due to other commitments and what not and it will be nice to get back to it. I don’t have anything up for critique this time, but perhaps I will for the next meeting because my schedule is going to be clearing up a bit in the near future... Maybe. Maybe not. Time will tell. I haven’t started on chapter 2 of Book 2 yet, mostly due to the unexpected but enjoyable distraction of my first comic book script, but its getting to be about that time, you know?

Speaking of comic book scripts, tomorrow is the 2nd to last meeting of my graphic novel writing class, which is the main reason my schedule will be clearing up, and its going to be pretty cool because tomorrow is also the day that I will be getting back the drawn and lettered page from my comic script. I am very excited for this. I hope it doesn’t suck. You all will find out Thursday night or so, unless of course, it is a horrid, abject failure… but barring such an unspeakably terrible turn of events, I will post it here. Fingers crossed.

Other than that… I’m back at work, so that means I’ll be back on a more regular blog schedule over the next few days and to celebrate this…

WHOA!




Holy Crap!

Ah.... huh... hi... you sure are pretty... huh, huh... so pretty... (faint)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Surrendering to the Will of the People

So, both of you long time readers out there may recall that yesterday I decided to take bold action in order to bring in some new blood and thus take this blog, my blog, your blog (but really still mine) to the next level. And today, the results are in.

IT WORKED!

Mere hours after the word “boobs” was first typed into my site, a siren call sounded out across the face of the internet. All across the country, from far off places like Alabama, fingers moved feverishly, pants unzipped in breathless anticipation, Google delivered its finds and as a result, no less than four different people (guys) stumbled across my humble little blog. All of them were led here by the call of sexiness, of “decided braless” and “World beautiful boobs” and “Natalie Portman”. My personal favorite was straight and to the point: "Boob."

However, there’s no denying that unstoppable juggernaut, the current and reigning King of the Goggle searches, the apparent Raison d’être for this blog's existence:

Billy Joel

And at a certain point, even I cannot withstand such an undeniable swell of public opinion, so… ahem:


Uptown girl!
She’s been living in her uptown world
I bet she never had a back street guy (ah- aaaahhh)
I bet her mama never told her why (ah- aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!)

I’m gonna try for an uptown girl (uptown girl!)
She’s been living in her white bread world (white bread wooooorld!)
As long as anyone with hot blood can (hot blood can!)
And now she’s looking for a downtown man (downtown man!)
That’s what I am

And when she knows what
She wants from her time-yime-yime
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind-yind-yind

She'll see I’m not so tough
Just because
I’m in love with an uptown girl
You know I’ve seen her in her uptown world
She’s getting tired of her high class toys (high class toys!)
And all her presents from her uptown boys (uptown boys!)
She’s got a choice

oh oh oh oh oh oooooooooh oh oh ooooooh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oooooooooh oh oh ooooooh oh oh

Uptown girl
You know I cant afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I’ve been
And then I’ll win

And when she’s walking
She’s looking so fine-yine-yine
And when she’s talking
She'll say that she’s mine-yine-yine

She'll say I’m not so tough
Just becauseI’m in love
With and uptown girl
She’s been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she’s looking for a downtown man
That’s what I am

Uptown girl
She’s my uptown girl
You know I’m in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl
Don’t you know I’m in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl
Don’t you know I’m in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl



Go Billy!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Beautiful boobs, braless and bouncing and bigger than your head!

First off, let me just start out by apologizing right off the bat for what many of you will no doubt consider to be false advertising. Try to guess as to what I refer. I mean, first off, come on, “bigger than your head” really is subjective and often… a little too veiny, am I right? Secondly, I don’t plan on posting any big boob pictures, at least today that is... Now mostly, this is because I generally prefer the smaller ones myself, more than a handful and all that jazz, but also because that’s not really the point of this particular blog, so, yeah… Some false advertising… but oh well. Excuuuuuuuse me…

So anyway, do you know what the number one Google-searched phrase is that brings random strangers from all around the world to my blog?

Billy Joel

Followed closely by:

Billy Joel Vienna.

Third place, of course, with a bullet, goes to the man, the myth, the legend:

Nathan Fillion.

But back to my point… Billy Joel. What the hell, man? I mean, while I appreciate the fact that if some random guy in Taiwan should suddenly wonder what the lyrics to Vienna are, he can not only find that out here, but he can also spend some time looking at Natalie Portman's butt, that's great, but in the end, what does it say about the general risqué factor of my blog?

SO... In an effort to bring my hit count up in a more Internet-respectable kind of way. I have decided to start “peppering” my blogs with sexy, sexual and/or dirty words. So from now on, (VAGINA) you will occasionally run across these minor interruptions and all I ask is that you bare with me as we enter this next phase of our development, as we attempt to take my blog… to the next level (GIRL WITHOUT UNDERWEAR).

So, anyway, today is class number four and I am really excited to go as I’m ready to show off the first 14-ish pages of script that is the first issue of my very first comic book. I didn’t utilize my work time too wisely last night, though, so I barely got any work done and didn't finish the book, (SEXUAL INTERCOURSE) but that’s alright, because I plotted it out, so now I definitely know what its doing for the last 9 or so pages and I even have some strong ideas for further issues… hmmm… maybe I’ll make it a side project…

Probably not, though, as I don’t think I have the time right now and time is something that you simply must have if you want to self publish a comic, (which just might be an even bigger waste of your time and your ideas than even self-publishing a novel might be…) but regardless, it is nice to think about maybe doing this at some point and also to sit down and write something in that odd visualization technique, sequential art, story-telling kind of way that is writing comics (BODACIOUS TATAS).

I’m actually really excited to get a page of my book drawn by someone. I hope it looks good. If so, like I said, I will post it here for all to see. I was even thinking, if it turns out to be even halfway decent, I may splurge a little bit and have it framed. What can I say? I’m excited (ERECTION).