Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Internet drama!

Oh boy!

There's a storm brewing, kids. Trouble! Right here in Blog-city! There's some grade-A- mouth-breathing-Internet-denizen-slap-fighting on the horizon and we have a front row seat, people, you lucky ducks! I am so excited!

So, it breaks down like this...

In one corner: Kristen Nelson, literary agent, and her various and sundry blog-followers.

Now, Kristen actually seems pretty nice and, on a regular day, she mostly just blogs about her work and her daily life stuff. She appears to be level-headed and professional, so honestly, I expect her to refrain from participating in this.

No, the true combatants will be her Blog-comment Regulars, a surly and devoted bunch. The reason for this is because Kristen is a Literary Agent. This means that most of her Followers are, really, just a bunch of struggling writers. This means that they all visit her blog pretty much on a daily basis, all of them working their asses off, trying their level-darnest to interact with Kristen in what will hopefully be perceived as a pleasant and friendly manner, due to a desperate and shared hope that if they are successful, and she notices them, they will then receive an "in" from her to use on that inevitable day that they all submit their Queries to her. Meaning: if they're nice and attentive, then she will bestow upon them a free pass to publishing, fame and fortune! Huzzah!

That is the hope, anyway...

But really, this isn't going to happen.

I mean... duh... who the hell is going to base their professional career off the practice of regularly hitching their wagon up to the best sycophant? No one, that's who. But still, her Followers keep trying, after all: Ya' never know, ya' never, never know... and there are new ones added to the mix every day and they don't want to rock the boat and risk possibly getting tossed out into the cold. I mean, the lady might be handing out free publishing deals written on solid gold paper, for Christ's sake!

So, the cycle replenishes itself. At this point, the usual Internet hierarchy begins to establish itself: Take a net nerd and give them a regular presence on a website somewhere on the Internet and they will immediately squat down and begin to build a fort. From these ramparts, they cross their arms and begin to hold forth. Due to the length of time they have spent on this site and the amount that they post daily, they believe themselves all-powerful, unassailable, and always right, second in total awesomeness to the site's owner only, and they will bristle and attack at even the barest perception of disrespect.

So, when a dissenter appears and begins to douche-bag it up in the comment section to such a degree that it results in Kristen turning on the Comment Moderation in order to put a lid on said douchebag's activities... the Sycophants start to get a bit twitchy. They begin to spoil for a fight, ready at a moment's notice to defend Kristen the loudest of everyone and then... well, maybe then they will receive that "in." Unfortunately, with the douchebag effectively banned, the Followers now have no one to attack and nowhere to direct their anger and, if they were to follow the douchebag somewhere else and then attack that douchebag in anger... all that would do is turn the Followers themselves into douchebags, the very thing they hate. It is a situation much like that of the Jedi when faced with the Dark-side of the Force.

...Sorry, that was pretty nerdy...

Ahem...

ANYWAY, but... if that aforementioned douchebag were to go to their own blog and begin to talk a bunch of "shit" that can then be construed as a slight...? Well, kids, that's how flame wars start.

Thus, in the other corner, I present for your reading enjoyment: Gordon Jerome, bitter douchebag.

I read both of these blogs on a semi-regular basis for completely different and most likely, readily apparent reasons and you, my gentle and constant readers, will be able to find all the build-up, to what I just know will be an epic rumble, in their respective previous blogs and comment sections.

WOOOOO! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Quick, quick! Pull up a chair!

Popcorn?

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