Friday, October 30, 2009


I don't have a costume this year.

This shouldn't come as too much of a surprise to any of you out there in Internet-land, because I usually don't have a costume. I mean, I sometimes consider it, however briefly, on occasion and a year or two ago I wore a domino mask, which was a major effort for me, but usually... meh...

I thought about maybe wearing a name tag that said JON, possibly in black sharpie, but that seemed like too much effort, what with the writing of my name and the peeling off of the back of the sticker and all that. I also thought about dressing up as a Non-participant, but, you know, really... that seemed a little too "Oh, look at Mr. Clever guy... stab!" So, this year? Nothing. Honestly, I'm pretty okay with this. I know God approves, and loves me the most of all his children, because Little Ms. Super-cute Fiancee's evil plans of a theme-couple-costume fell through at the last moment due to no actions on my part (Thanks, Big Guy... wink). So, as a result, here I am again, it's the eleventh hour and I have no costume. Why is this, do you think? Year after year? It's not like I hate Halloween or anything...

Actually that's not true.

I do hate Halloween.

Well, maybe hate is a strong word... hmmm... No, it's more like: No, thank you. That's really it. When it comes to Halloween, my attitude is: No, thank you. In fact, that's my attitude towards most organized holidays. No, thank you. Frankly, I like my life how it is and holidays... ugh... they're generally just a disruption that I could do without. Except Thanksgiving, of course, but that goes without saying. Heaven is a soft couch, a football game on TV and a turkey coma, my friends. But Christmas? Oh, more socks... and what's this? A sweater that doesn't fit? That's awesome, thanks! Fake smile! St. Patty's Day? Well, I already covered that. Bastille Day? Fuck you, you hipster douchebag. Boxing Day? Do you really think I'm going to switch roles with the servants? I don't think so...

Anyway, my point is: I'm just not that into the organized holidays. It's not me. I'm not that person. If you are, great, that's awesome... yeah, no, you totally look just like a Stormtrooper, dude, except, you know... fatter... but that's great. Go on with your bad self.

But as for me?

No, thank you.

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