Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Boobs without a hint of sag!

It’s amazing, folks, it is simply amazing. The big, bouncing braless boobs that are bigger than your head just keep on trucking! They are unstoppable! I put those things on my blog a while back and suddenly it’s hit city down here in blog town. Big time! Seriously, people, it is shocking. Shocking! I mean, right now, there could be anywhere up to three, four, maybe even five creepy little guys from all over the world reading this right now… Right now! Think about that! Imagine, there might be some guy sitting out there in some crappy Bangladeshi five and dime, sweating in the humid jungle heat, surfing the web on a cobbled together laptop and all while on a desperate quest for some Tig ol’ Bitties and guess what, he ends up here. Too bad, so sad, my little horn-dog friend. Neiner, neiner, fooled you! Wow... Its all so Twenty first Century. God damn, man… William Gibson was right, yo.

And just what is it that brings this brave new world together?

Thats right. One Word: Boob

Admittedly, sometimes it's two words: Braless boobs

And sometimes it's three: Big, bouncing boobs.

At this point, its got to be at least half of my traffic. At least. Shit, I may even add it to my tagline: Jon’s Blog: All Boob, All the Time. And then…wait a minute…Hmmm… maybe not, maybe that’s a bad idea, as upon further inspection an unfortunate double entendre has suddenly become apparent.

Scrap that idea!

I wonder if it annoys them… my secret little cabal of International Internet masturbators… I wonder if they get all miffed while they’re on their hunt for boobage and the link to my blog pops up they get all excited and they’re like: “Sacrebleu! (Because its usually foreign guys.) Sacrebleu! A new Source! Merde! Bigger than my head! This I must to see!”

Click.

And then… a dawning realization, something is wrong, and then there's a slow spread of disappointment… there is nothing here… nothing but jibber-jabber and tom-foolery for as far as the eye can see… Its got to be disappointing. I mean, sure, there’s a plethora (oh, si el jefe, you have a plethora…) of Le Sexy Ladies to gaze upon, not to mention the link that takes you straight away to the “way too lovely to ever bother with panties” Katie West, but really… honestly? Sometimes the only thing that’s gonna scratch that itch is porn, people, and in this case that particular piece of porn is breasts, large and unbound and all a-jiggling to beat the band. I almost feel bad for not delivering, almost but not much… Besides, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it… well, once… Bigger than your head? Totally in the eye of the beholder, my friend, totally in the eye of the beholder… We had this kid back in school we called Melon-head and... well, thats really the totality of the anecdote, so...

MOVING ON!

So, yes, its been a few days since my last blog and for that, I apologize, gentle readers. For all of you out there a-frettin’ and a-fitterin’. Let me assure you… once again… I’m not dead. No, even worse, I’ve been busy at work.

BUSY AT WORK!

What. The. Fuck.

Come on, man! Busy at work! What the shit is up with that shit? I mean, not only do I have to sit here for eight hours, but I’m expected to have to do stuff too? Gyp!

(Sidebar: Just a quick note of apology to all of my gypsy readers out there for the employment of such a derogatory term and I hope I haven’t offended any of you with it, especially if you are planning on camping on my lawn and juggling and then cursing me with your gypsy magic, especially if that curse involves taking my soul and making me all emo and whiny until the day I happen to experience true happiness… because apparently that makes you fat… On the flip side of that, though, you CAN curse me if it's that “Thinner” curse, because I actually do need to drop a few pounds and I’d rather not go to the Gym, if I can help it, or as I more commonly refer to it: Douchebag Central.)

…But I digress…

Anyway… yeah, man, they’re totally making me do shit here at the day prison. Hello, slave labor anyone? Where’s Lincoln when you need him, the big gangly fucking goofball. I mean, I barely have enough time to read all my on-line comics and geek news sites as it is, not too mention serendipitously looking up my own porn AND updating this thing… I am only a man, damn it, though it may appear otherwise at times, in the end, I am only a man.

Also… speaking of slave labor… today is my double shift… ugh, kind of telling that I almost wrote: double shit… I am tired and honestly, cats and kittens, I’m feeling a little behind on my real work. I need to get these copy edits done. I need to start work on Book 2, Chapter 2. I need to finish the polishes on the short, short story so that it is ready for submission by the end of the week. I want to write some more comic book stuff too. And all of that is not even mentioning all the general life stuff… Fucking Wednesday just gets in the way, man.

But then there’s the money…

And that’s the rub... thats the rub...

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