Thursday, March 12, 2009

Four Color Fuck Ups

So, last night was the first night of my new class.

What’d I think?

Not bad, not bad, we’ll see… It’s not only the Instructor’s first class at the Loft, its his first class teaching ever, so he’s a bit fast and loose and kind of unsure, but I’m alright with that. There was some good discussion and some script format/terminology break downs, which is what I’m looking for, so that’s alright. And its only 6 weeks for $100, so its not like I was expecting something incredibly in-depth or will have lost much should it fall a bit short of expectations. All together, there seemed like a lot of good stuff and some real potential. I think it’ll be fine.

There is some bad though…

There were no less than three of my least favorite writing class types present and at least a half dozen of my least favorite type of comic geek... which is... hurmmmm...

The writing class types:

I know I've mentioned some of these people before, but oh well, there’s always the potential for new examples every time I take a continuing ed/art type class.

1. The Butt-talker: This is the guy with irons in the fire, multiple irons in the fire, all the time, 24/7, he is a mover and a shaker, baby. He’s always got an ass load of projects going on, he’s showing them to this person, he’s showing them to that person, oh how well received it all is… and yet… What? Nothing. Ever. These guys are always raising their hand and telling some generic anecdote from out of nowhere that goes nowhere. “Oh yeah, years ago I was at this convention and I pitched this Editor and he was pretty big at the time, I forget his name, and he really wanted me to send him my stuff, but then I was so busy at the time I never did.” …Yeah, right, I totally believe you. But this guy isn't even the worst…

2. The Writing-for-Therapy guy: Oh god, I hate this guy. These guys are the worst. They are nothing, NOTHING but some kind of in-class stupid drama waiting to happen. They are a flood gate that opens at the slightest opportunity to spew a diarrhetic stream of self-deprecating jokes upon anyone unlucky enough to be in their path and all the while it is painfully obvious that all that shit is, is nothing but a lame, tedious and very thinly disguised attempt to hide their near constant need for reassurance. So they are always fishing for compliments. As soon as I recognize one of these fuckers, its like: “great…” Le sigh... These are the people who immediately bark laughter at the end of each of their incredibly uncomfortable and stuttering writing anecdotes, “We were just having… SO MUCH FUN… that we… you know… we… who cares if it comes out good, right? HA! Hahahah!” They are constantly red faced and on the verge of blowing, so handle with care, kids, because these half-wit hacks will turn on you at the slightest whiff of a perceived slight, they will turn and lunge, claws out, spitting and screaming at even the slightest hint of criticism on their work. Its best to avoid these Writing-for-Therapy douchebags completely. DO NOT attempt to critique them or allow yourself to be roped into any kind of group work with them, do whatever you have to avoid this. Believe me, you are better off without that experience and this particular guy in my class, I can tell, he is one of the worst types too. He crosses his legs at the knees, he’s blonde and ruddy with little wireless glasses. He’s jittery as a three day meth head, but lacks the cool to ever try drugs in the first place. He’s the worst of the worst types of dill holes you could be unlucky enough to get in a classmate. so great, but even worse, the most annoying award goes to…

3. The-Constant-Participator Lady: Its like her arm is spring-loaded and her mouth is powered by the Energizer bunny, she's always ready to jump in... unfortuantly, her mind is a rusty bear-trap. She’s long winded, she’s usually wrong and she usually has the most incredibly annoying voice you could imagine. You see her come mincing in on the first day and you just know right away, you know on sight, she might as well have a puffy paint sweatshirt on that says: Brown-Noser. This is the type of person who reminds you why bullying happens among children. I’m sure you’re all the same as me, bullies are bad, kids are vicious little packs of monsters, but then… but then you get an annoying little fucking kiss-ass idiot like this and you find yourself thinking: “Man, I so want to push you down by the big kid swings, detention be damned!” I mean, its not like I don’t appreciate her enthusiasm and her passion, hooray for you, lady, but her contributions are just so universally dumb and so off base and lost that she drags the class to a screeching halt every time, derailing any and all discussion and all while driving a ice-pick into your brain with that terrible voice of hers. And its constant! CONSTANT! Plus... plus, this particular lady in my class, wants to make sure, at every available oppurtunity, that we are all aware of the fact that she pronounces MANG-ga the correct way: MON-ga, drawing out the "ON". Oh, how Asian-phile of you...

Man, its gonna be a long six weeks...

Then, to top off that shit? I was surrounded by self loathing comic book elitist snobs. Holy fuck, what did I wander into… A bunch of smelly, fat-beards who claim to only read artistic comics. (rolls eyes) These are the same type who go: “I don’t watch TV,” or “I only watch foreign films.” Whatever fuckstick, as if that makes it any LESS of a geeky hobby or waste of time… The way I look at it, if you can’t appreciate a piece of art that successfully accomplishes what it intended to do and say, then you are NOT a true fan. Is the Rock the same as Breathless? No, of course not, but both are shiny examples of their respective genres.

Assholes...

Besides, every single last one of them looked like hand drawn comic book fanboy clichés. Who you fooling, man? No one, thats who. Fat-beards, man, fat-beards.

I guess, looking back on this particular little missive, it looks and sounds like the class was pretty bad, but you know, it wasn't at all. Honestly, the class seems like its going to be fun and informative, at least for what I’m looking for. Also, there were a couple of people there who did seem kind of interesting, so that could be cool, AND it was nice to see a pretty much even man/woman split, that was cool... but shit, man… fucking douchebag alert, you know?

We'll see... stay tuned, true believer.

No comments: