Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Thank God for Underwear!


I’ve finally decided to leave the old world behind me. For good and forever. Goodbye Myspace, goodbye Livejournal, Goodbye wherever else. Its time for me to move on, time to go forward, time to get a blogger…blogspot… blog.com…whatever… I’m going to be rambling on here about my life, comics, movies, stupid people, basically nothing important while occasionally posting pictures of Scarlett Johansson, from now on.

I hope you enjoy.

Well, actually I don’t care one way or the other… why are you here, honestly? Who are you?

…Doesn’t matter.


Here’s a Scarlett Johansson pic (did I spell her last name right?)

Aaaaahh... That’s some nice stuff there. Relaxing. I read that she’s in talks to play the Black Widow in the next Iron Man movie.

Personally, I think this is a mistake. I mean, I like the girl, she’s a tolerable actress, she’s attractive and the thought of her in skin tight vinyl is… exciting, BUT imagining her trying to do some over the top, crappy, Boris and Natasha Russian accent is chilling. And frankly, stunt casting is a franchise death-knell. The first Iron Man was good, do we really think it would be better if it were to be more like the 90’s Batman franchise? God forbid… Not that the Iron Man movies require some fantastic thespian, but I think if the Box Office Returns from Dark Knight and Iron Man have taught us anything, its that a superhero movie can still be fun AND make money if you treat it with some dignity, and nothing kills dignity faster than a fantastic set of boobs and a ridiculously performed Russian Accent.

Actually, the accent is superfluous to the whole losing dignity equation, but either way, its a problem for another day…

Moving on! So, my goal is to blog everyday. You see, I have a job now. (gasp) Yes its true, I have a job, a five days a week, paid holiday having, cubicle ass sitting, Office Space quoting, real-life, honest to goodness job. I have a 401k and the whole fuckin’ 9 yards. I wear sweaters now with alarming regularity. (Well, really its just the one sweater washed regularly) I have work shoes. Its crazy, its like being an adult all the time. I’ve considered going commando as my own secret little rebellion against the Corporate Overlords, just letting my wang hang free, you know, a wiggle and a wobble and a flop-flop-flop? But… there’s chafing to consider, plus, sweaty balls and if you’ve ever caught your dick in your zipper, (which I’m sure all you female readers probably have not.) then you’ll agree with me when I say: “Thank God for underwear: protector, separator, preventer of fart stains.” Long story short (too late) I have a lot of time on my hands during the day now. However, I don’t want to tip anyone off to this fact and, as a result, possibly receive more work from my Overlords, so I TRY not to be on the Internet ALL day long… so… I blog.

Plus, I have recently finished my first novel, or at least I’m almost done with the final edits that I have been receiving in bits and pieces from my twin star Copy Editor Sukiyaki Death Squad Girls, and in the meantime, I have started on book number two. So I’ve got stuff ahead of me that should provide plenty of fodder to talk about: the books, the submission and (hopefully) publication process, maybe some musing on story direction and the writing process, cover design, my big fat movie check, which kind of coke goes best with which kind of hooker, how to best hide a dead body, blah, blah, blibbety-quack-quack, blah… not too mention the fact that the Internet is LITERALLY chock full of pictures of Scarlett Johansson. CHOCK full.


And no, before you get all upset, it will not be all Scarlett, all the time… rest assured, there will also be pictures of Megan Fox...

and an oldie but goodie: Winona Ryder, old reliable.

So this is me and this my blog, y’all know me, welcome friends, the rest of you: Fuck off.

No comments: